Who Is That Woman in the Mirror?

It's a funny thing -- aging. I don't feel it on the inside, except to say that the 20-something year-old who is sometimes a 6 year-old in spirit who lives here in my mind is certainly blessed to have the wisdom and experience of an almost 61 year-old. That's about how I'd sum up my "real age". And bodywise, I am starting to tune into the "I wouldn't do that if I were you" messages I get when I try to stretch too far, pick up something too heavy, or sit cross-legged on the floor -- not to mention my occasional fantasies about taking up roller blading.

But when I look in the mirror I wonder who the hell that is! And photos...wow, not what I thought I looked like when they were taken. Damn...the camera doesn't lie. I'm even ok with any extra photo-induced pounds, but could they go on my collar bone please? And maybe fill out that stuff under my chin?! I find I'm having a little bit of a hard time adjusting to that budding "old lady" in the mirror. The image doesn't fit with who I expect to see.

Vanity...I will never dye my hair. I love my grey. I'm proud of my age. And I think denial by dyeing is just silly. You're not fooling anyone -- the dye job doesn't match the wrinkles. Even the wrinkles -- I didn't mind them at first, but I can see the shape of my face changing, the ghost of my mother (which I like seeing) and the ghosts of my grandmothers (those make me gulp a little bit because they mean I'm really teetering on the edge of old ladiness).

And vanity aside -- because ultimately I can come to grips with fading youthful looks -- what I really worry about is how looking like an old lady on the outside is going to affect my life on the inside because of how people will respond to seeing this old lady. In this country, there is an incipient ageism that is almost infused into our American DNA that discounts, discredits and sometimes "disappears" the elderly. I've even perpetrated it at times myself -- of course, when I was much younger.

I don't want that to happen to me.

I think I will go forth in this second half as an ambassador for all the old ladies -- all the old people -- of the world. I will break through that mindset that thinks old people are fine sitting in the corner, don't have much to say, have even less to contribute, and can be easily dismissed. And while I'm at it, I'm going to tell that old woman in the mirror, "Old is beautiful!"